So, apparently, I have to have this now. I have no idea about any of this so knock yourselves out and read it. Or don’t. It’s all good. I made the background this gorgeous sunset, apparently it's Miami Beach. Looking at it is much better than the BS below.
Some light reading if you're interested:
We receive, collect and store any information you enter on our website or provide us in any other way. In addition, we collect the Internet protocol (IP) address used to connect your computer to the Internet; login; e-mail address; password; computer and connection information and purchase history. We may use software tools to measure and collect session information, including page response times, length of visits to certain pages, page interaction information, and methods used to browse away from the page. We also collect personally identifiable information (including name, email, password, communications); payment details (including credit card information), comments, feedback, product reviews, recommendations, and personal profile.
So, all I do is send out emails when I remember (if I remember). I don’t know a single thing about any of that mumbo jumbo above. I wouldn’t even know where to begin with it. Measure and collect session information? WTF? Here’s what I know: You don’t want to get emails from me? Hit the unsubscribe. Boom, just like that. We’re done, people.
When you conduct a transaction on our website, as part of the process, we collect personal information you give us such as your name, address and email address. Your personal information will be used for the specific reasons stated above only.
Sooo… I guess this will apply to those of you who purchase a book from me. The only reason I need information is to send the book to you. I am not going to sell it to anyone, or give it to them either. Once the transaction is complete, I'm not going to keep the information.
So, naturally the website collects your email address but that’s because you are so awesome and you like getting newsletters from me. You’re a doll, sending you virtual smooches.
We collect such Non-personal and Personal Information for the following purposes:
To provide and operate the Services;
To provide our Users with ongoing customer assistance and technical support;
To be able to contact our Visitors and Users with general or personalized service-related notices and promotional messages;
To create aggregated statistical data and other aggregated and/or inferred Non-personal Information, which we or our business partners may use to provide and improve our respective services;
To comply with any applicable laws and regulations.
WTF? Okay, we’ll keep going.
This website is hosted on the Wix.com platform. Wix.com provides me with the online platform that allows me to sell our products and services to you. Your data may be stored through Wix.com’s data storage, databases and the general Wix.com applications. They store your data on secure servers behind a firewall.
Well, thank the stars for that.
All direct payment gateways offered by Wix.com and used by our company adhere to the standards set by PCI-DSS as managed by the PCI Security Standards Council, which is a joint effort of brands like Visa, MasterCard, American Express and Discover. PCI-DSS requirements help ensure the secure handling of credit card information by our store and its service providers.
Not applicable but hey, it has to be said, right?
We may contact you to notify you regarding your account, to troubleshoot problems with your account, to resolve a dispute, to collect fees or monies owed, to poll your opinions through surveys or questionnaires, to send updates about our company, or as otherwise necessary to contact you to enforce our User Agreement, applicable national laws, and any agreement we may have with you. For these purposes, we may contact you via email, telephone, text messages, and postal mail.
I’m not going to call you. Or text you. They might, I won’t. Besides, I've clicked off all of the parts that ask for a phone number so the website shouldn't ask for the phone number anyway. As for the snail mail, that ain’t happening unless you give me your address, which don’t. Unless you’re entering a competition or something, then totally do it unless you don’t want the great stuff I’d send, then don’t do it. Either way, it’s cool.
As for the email, well duh. Newsletters baby!!!
I also have to tell you something about cookies. I have no idea, the only cookies I know about is a fucking biscuit. Check this out, they might be more up your alley > The non-biscuit cookie I’m going to raid the biscuit jar. Did you want a coffee while I was making one? I'll post it to you. You're not getting any of my cups. Just the coffee in the post. It might be cold by the time it gets to you. I'm sorry.
So, you can withdraw your consent. I thought you’d just hit the unsubscribe and that’s it but hell, what do I know?
If you don’t want us to process your data anymore, please contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org or send me mail to: The Awesome TM Watkins PO Box 7197 Redland Bay Qld Australia 4165. But really, are you going to snail mail me?
Probably if someone bitches about it.
If you would like to: access, correct, amend or delete any personal information we have about you, you are invited to contact me at email@example.com or send us mail to: The Awesome TM Watkins PO Box 7197 Redland Bay Qld Australia 4165.
Why bother with snail mail? Send me an email.
That's it, we're done. Are we? I have no idea. If you have suggestions, snail mail me, I'll update this nonsense in the far off distant future. Love you guys <3